seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm at about main and main street
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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