C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
