Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
