I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
