apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
This toilet bowl is my home.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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