Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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