my mouth tastes like poor choices
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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