I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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