There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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