I just made out with a guy for $7.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
