I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
