if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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