what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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