I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
