How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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