Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My bed smells like the plague
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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