My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
