Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
