Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
