that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
