did you get engaged???
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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