when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
