Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
