A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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