Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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