You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
