Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
