She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
