Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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