i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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