dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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