How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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