I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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