There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
