my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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