You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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