The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The feeling are messing with the penis
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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