Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
