Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize