Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
