last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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