Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
