he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
