Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
