I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
