My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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