She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
