My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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