Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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