Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
