were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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