he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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