highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
