Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
