when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
