when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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