Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
