I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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