I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
