I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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