They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I need water and some morals
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
