Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
