He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So here I am, sexting at work.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
