so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
