Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
