I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
