I'm gonna have a badass scar
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We are all done wearing pants today
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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