Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize