Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
