Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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