Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
