that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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