It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
