Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize