Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
