i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
