My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
