No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
