Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Can i not drive my cunt home
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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