I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
