If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize