Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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