i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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