Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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