My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
