Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize