You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
