awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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