I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
