Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
