So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
