Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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