it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i need some magic done to my vagina
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
