Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize