So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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