apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize