there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
