I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
