Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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