i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
