I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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