Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
