This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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