Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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